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Archive for the ‘Politics SMS’ Category

Mayawati Came To Lallu’s House With A Goat.

Lallu:
Bhaiswa Ko Kyon Layi Ho?

Maya:
Dikhta Nahin Goatwa Hai?

Lallu:
Hum Goatwa Se Hi To Pooch Raha Hoon.

The Following Is The List Of Some New Viruses Going Round In India.

Better Beware Of Them.

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:

First Of All, This Virus Reduces The CPU Speed To 66Hz. Before

Executing Any Instruction, It Deleberates Over It A Number Of Times

And Finally Does Nothing.

V.P. Singh Virus:

This Virus Reserves A Quota For Each Instruction, And Executes Them

Only According To The Quota. Needless To Say, The Least Used

Instructions Have A Higher Quota Than The More Used Instructions.

This Virus Is Also Known As Social Justice Virus.

Sukh Ram Virus:

This Virus First Swallows 10% Of The Bits In Each Instruction And

Then Executes Them.

Maneka Gandhi Virus:

This Is A Green Virus. It Executes Only Those Programmes That Were

Written By Vegetarians Or Animals.

L.K. Advani Virus:

This Virus Pops Up Every Now And Then, And The Only Way You Can

Continue Working Is By Typing Jai Shri Ram 108 Times.

K.P.S. Gill Virus:

Only Ladies Need To Worry About This Virus.Every Now And Then The

Users Get A Whack, You Know Where.

Phoolan Devi Virus:

This Virus Hijacks All High Priority Processes And Generates Page

Faults For Them. At Times, This Virus May Also Celebrate The CPU*S

Birthday.

Deve Gowda Virus:

The Main Characterestic Of This Virus Is That It Tries To Schedule All

The Processes At The Same Time. This Virus Services All The Request

For Resources,And Allocates Them Irrespective Of Whether They Are

Available Or Not.

Jayalalitha Virus:

This Actually Is A Family Of Viruses. Each Member Of This Virus

Family Grab As Much Of Hard Disk Space As Possible,While The Main Virus Is

Totally Unaware Of It. When Everything Stops Working,This Virus

Blames The User For The Whole Chaos.

I.K.Gujral Virus:

Before Executing Any Instruction, This Virus Calls Tries To Get The

Approval Of 18 Other Viruses And Most Of The Time, One Of The Viruses

Blocks The Instruction. So Gujral Virus Most Of The Time Does Not

Execute Anything. While It Is Not Doing Anything, As It Is Always,

This Virus Connects To The Internet And Keeps Sending Data To All

Major/Minor Countries In The World Except India W/O Receiving The

Replies.

Veerappan Virus:

This Virus Plays Hide And Seek. It Captures Some Resources And

Releases Them After Sometime. It Sometimes Seems To Be Eradicated But

Suddenly Reappears.

Laloo Yadav Virus:

A Dangerous Virus, Gulps All The Resources As Well As It Corrupts The

Data. If You Try To Use Scanner, During Hibernation,It Will Rename

Its Signature With Another Deadly Virus Of The Same Family. This Virus

Takes Help From Other Viruses To Avoid Scanning.

Mulayam Virus:

Whatever Way, It Will Try To Grab Resources Of The System, It’s Only

Task Is To Abort BJP Processes. This Virus Hangs The System By

Sending Conflicting Signals To Different Hardware Units.

Sonia Gandhi Virus:

Once A Part Of Most Deadly Virus Family Of The World. No Scanner Can

Detect Now, How Much Damage It Can Cause To The System, But People

Use Bofors Scanner For Temporary Protection.

Kashi-Maya Virus:

It’s Also Called The Dalit Virus, It Destabilizes The Co-Ordination

Amongst Different Resources, It Controls & Steps The Low Priority

Resources From Functioning. Lot Of Scanners Available Now To Kill It.

Other Viruses Are Thriving By Splitting This Virus.

Suddenly There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap! The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel. The Women And Manmohan Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed.

Bush Is Bent Over Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent Slap. All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything.

Sonia Is Thinking: These Americans Are All Crazy After Aishwarya. Bush Must Have Tried To Kiss Her In The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him.

Aishwarya Is Thinking: Bush Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed Sonia Instead And Got Slapped.

Bush Is Thinking: Damn It. Manmohan Must Have Tried To Kiss Aishwarya. She Might Have Thought It Was Me And Slapped Me.

Manmohan Is Thinking: If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap Bush Again.

After Having Resigned As The CM Of Bihar, Laloo Decides To Go Modeling.
Once He Enters The Herd Of Buffaloes And Resting His Elbows On The Back Of The Cattle He Poses For The Photo. Next Day The

Photo Appears On The Front Page Of A Newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION !! Laloo, Third From Left !

Laloo Talks To His Son, “I Want You To Marry A Girl Of My Choice “. Son : “I Want To Choose My Own Bride”.
Laloo : “But The Girl Is Ambani’s Daughter.” Son : “Well, In That Case…”
Next Laloo Approaches Ambani , “I Have A Husband For Your Daughter.” Ambani: “But My Daughter Is Too Young To Marry.”
Laloo : “But This Young Man Is A Vice President Of The World Bank.”

Ambani: “Ah, In That Case…” Finally Laloo Goes To See The President Of The World Bank.
Laloo : “I Have A Young Man To Be Recommended As A Vice President.”
President : “But I Already Have More Vice Presidents Than I Need.”
Laloo : “But This Young Man Is Ambani’s Son-In-Law.” President : “Ah, In That Case…”

Laloo To A Long-Distance
Telephone Operator :

“COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PATNA AND LAS VEGAS ?”

Operator :
“JUST A MINUTE,SIR…”

Laloo :
“THANK YOU”,
AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

“JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.”
And The Man’s Companion Says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.”
The Bartender Approaches Laloo And Asks, “AND YOU, SIR ?”
Laloo Replies: “LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.”

After Completing A Jigsaw Puzzle He’d Been Working On For Quite Sometime,
Laloo Proudly Shows Off The Finished Puzzle To A Friend.
“It Took Me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT,” Laloo Brags.
“FIVE MONTHS ? THAT’S TOO LONG.” The Friend Exclaims. “YOU ARE A FOOL”.
Laloo Replies. “SEE THIS CARTOON, IT IS WRITTEN ” FOR 4-7 YRS”.

Ab Bush K Baad
Pesh Hai Obama……

Zara Sambhal K
Qadam Rakhna
Iraq Me 0bama,

Bush Ko Paray Hain
Jutay Tera To Utaar Denge Pajama!!